If you find yourself chronically feeling bad, experiencing the same problems over and over, chances are high that you’re stuck because you’ve been seeking the perfect solution. But you don’t need a perfect solution; you need a powerful one.
Perfect solutions don’t exist, because they’re predicated on the total absence of pain’s energy, which is scientifically impossible. Instead of trying to eradicate your pain, what you want to do is first clearly understand the pain you feel and then pick a more powerful pain — a pain that will ultimately make you stronger because you’re able to hold more emotional energy.
Let’s use an analogy that will make this clear. If you’re trying to get physically stronger, you go to the gym and lift more weight. At first, 20 pounds may be the edge of what you can comfortably tolerate. But you decided your goal is to get stronger, and you know you must pick a more powerful weight. Let’s say you work long enough that you’re now able to lift 40 pounds. Clearly, you’ve gotten stronger.
But here’s the thing: When you’re able to lift 40 pounds, it’s not that 20 pounds no longer exists. In fact, you will forever have to lift 20 pounds in order to lift 40 — 20 is inherently part of the 40. Twenty pounds didn’t get easier; you got stronger.
To see how this relates to your emotional life, let’s apply this logic of picking a more powerful pain with your partner.
